


Johnthoughts

by RavenMorganLeigh



Series: Johnthoughts [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angry John, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Baby Watson, Denial, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grieving John, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, John is a Bit Not Good, M/M, Sad John, Sad Sherlock, Sick Sherlock, Tags May Change, in the closet, mary is not a good person - Freeform, ongoing series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 13:58:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6807865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenMorganLeigh/pseuds/RavenMorganLeigh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What does John think?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Johnthoughts

**Author's Note:**

> This is an effort to get my brain around the enigma that is S3 John Watson....

It's too late to change anything now, I'm already married,for better, for worse. Maybe the worst is over with.

I can't have these thoughts. It doesn't matter, anyway.

How dare he show up here, ill-- is he trying to make me feel guilty? How dare he. His trouble with breathing-- is that fallout from the gunshot wound? Christ, he almost died. And it was Mary who did this to him... but wait!!! it was his fault. Mary told me-- he threatened her! She had no choice! 

She told me how he kept advancing on her, even after she gave him a warning-- he's lucky she didn't take a head shot.

I.. err.. I guess somebody really well trained in precision shooting and anatomy could make a ....surgical shot... I.. maybe... I mean she shoots better than me, god dammit!

Surgery, my ASS.

Surgery my FUCKING ass.

He told me to stay with her, that I could trust her! I'm only doing what he told me to. Serves him right. Serves him right if he's lonely , or if he's hurting. That's for two years of pain.

I'm not responsible for anything if I'm following instructions from a superior--

WAIT--NO WAY IN HELL IS SHERLOCK MY SUPERIOR!!

Mary's right. Sherlock is dangerous. He's a junkie.

She was only trying to help, keep him from going into a sure death type situation-- she wouldn't have done it without his permission, he must have asked her to-- he must have had a stash and told her where to get the drugs--

This is all his fault! He ruined my life. He should never have told me about Mary! I didn't want to know-- I saw -- things and I saw things and I knew, I saw it, and I-- I knew to leave it alone!

 

I love him. I hate him. I wish he'd stayed dead.

What am I gonna do when the people she hurt, the people looking for her come for us, come for the baby--

Is she still killing?

Are we safe?

She's still killing people.

Not...people, really.

Targets. Marks. Opponents.

Like the army, but she actually gets paid for it.

She's just doing a job, right, somebody's got to. She's right. People like Magnussen should be killed. Right? Right???!?! I'm just being naive. What does it matter?

Oh, Christ, Mycroft knows. Oh Christ.

Mycroft will have her put away, or killed. My baby will be born in gaol. Sherlock will help me. Right?

Because he'll do anything for me, up to and including dying. And I've always known that. I hid from it, I didn't want to see it, because I'm such a fucking coward-- I could never give back--- because I'm not gay. Not Gay, ever. Not even for him.


End file.
